Makeup VS Books

Not everyone can love reading books and not everyone can master the art of “on fleek” make up. Both reading and painting your face are huge obsessions. One makes your mind beautiful and the other enhances your face. 
I am a bookworm. I spend all my money on books. I never actually cared if my hair looks messy or about my newly forming dark cicircles and eyebags or about my horrible dressing sense etc. But lately, I’d been watching a lot of make up tutorials on YouTube. And funny, how I suddenly became detached with my books. I have spent more than ₹2,000 to purchase makeup products within a week only. I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I started to, kinda, hate myself. I constantly asked my mommy if I am adopted because she is so pretty, but the make up tutorials made me believe that I am not pretty that’s why I need to paint my face with a lot of expensive products until I don’t even look like myself. I frequently asked my boyfriend why he’s dating me. I forgot my books completely and the craze and need for makeup created a home in my head. 

Yesterday I did a full makeup on my face for the first time. Surely, I felt prettier and happy. But when I cleaned my makeup, my real face seemed weird to me for a moment. I suddenly had an urge to put on all of the products on my face again. 

Later that night I switched my phone off, tied my hair up, wore my nerdy specs, picked a book, crawled into my bed and started reading until it was 4 in the morning. I was sleep deprived but I felt better than ever. I wasn’t uncomfortable with my skin anymore. I wasn’t embarrassed of my own face, own body. Instead, I was so proud of my mind. 

And then I slept with peace after a long time, having the confidence I had lost back, again. Though, now I am thinking how many books I could buy with those money I spent on makeup. 

Well, the thing is, it’s totally fine to take care of your face, your skin, your body. But it’s never okay to feel ugly and uncomfortable for the real you. 

And a tip- never let someone else point out your flaws unless they are completely perfect. 

No one can make you feel inferior without your own consent.

Take Care! 

​I cannot tell you, how sad you be. How bad your life is right now. How painfully you shed tears every night. How your heart thuds with that single name. 

I cannot tell you, how you’re struggling. How you’re being tortured. How you’re longing for freedom. 

I cannot tell you any of these. 

But I must tell you that one day this is going to pass. One day you will rise and shine just like that moon you admire so much. One day this will be a history. One day none of these will matter. 

I must tell you that be strong. Do not lose hope. Do not lose faith. Do not underestimate your own capacity of overcoming all these negativities. Spread love so that it will come back to you, eventually. Go explore. Eat whatever you love. Dance on your favourite song. Watch that movie that made you laugh so much again. Go carefree. Smile. Smile even if you don’t feel like doing it. Fake it till you make it.

I might not know you, 

but I love you! 

And you got to love yourself too. 

Take care of yourself!

Short Love Fiction [I]

​Ayat and Fiza were roommates and in 5 months they’d become good friends. Ayat was always the bubbly and friendly one. But at the same time, she was secretive, too. She made others feel like they know so much about her, but it was just an illusion. She was an illusion. A very real one. There was something mysterious about her which always made Fiza curious. She knew her favourite colour, her favourite song, her favourite pair of bra. She knew Ayat loves reading, Ayat’s crushes’ names. But still there were so many things she didn’t know. And Ayat never let anyone know. One moment she (Ayat) is laughing and dancing, another she is simply disappeared. There was something very twisted about Ayat. She was weirdly weird. 

One day Fiza decided to check her phone which she did when Ayat was taking a bath. The best time as she takes forever in the bathroom. Shockingly there was no screen lock on her phone. When she was done with her spying and hindering in Ayat’s privacy, she was filled with full of rage. Her face turned red. She discovered Ayat has a boyfriend and she (Fiza) had no clue about it.

When Ayat came out of the bathroom, Fiza directly asked without any ado “Who is Juned”? 

That was the moment Ayat’s face turned red and for the first time she seemed speechless. 

” How do you know this name?” Ayat asked. Anger was clear in her voice. 

“Doesn’t matter. I am your roommate since five months. I tell you everything. I live with you most of the time and yet I had not a single clue, until now, that you have a boyfriend. What are you? A special agent? How did you manage to hide this from me?” Fiza was literally screaming. 

“Nothing matters. Now you know that I have a boyfriend. That’s all. What else am I supposed to say? Ayat asked. Trying to keep her voice as calm as she could. 

” Tell me more about him.” This time there was curiosity in Fiza’s voice. 

“What? I mean, he is my boyfriend and he is a boy. And we are together since 4 years. What else?”

“Do you have a photo of him? Show me.” Fiza demanded. 

“Let me describe.” Ayat said, blushing. She continued “So as you know, his name is Juned. He is the most tangled person you can imagine to meet. But there is still a different kind of peace in that tangled person. His face, well, I can write a whole chapter describing his face. It’s round and chubby. His forehead is perfectly flat and small. So smooth, so perfect. His eyes, god his eyes! They are just like a girl’s. Small and dreamy. They look as if he’s high all the time. The best part of his eyes are the eyelashes. Deep and long. You just can’t look away when he blinks. You can’t leave him without kissing them.  His eyebrows look as if he just came out from a salon shaping them. His eyebrows are goals. Perfectly shaped. Perfectly curved. His nose is small and wide. You just poke it over and over. He is weird when I kiss his nose. Have you seen a newborn baby’s cheeks? His are exactly the same just with beard and open pores. I love rubbing my cheeks against his. His lips, the best asset on his face is his lips, after his eyes. They are small and medium thick. Even when they are dry, they look moist. They’re pouty. Again, just like a baby’s. Everything on his face is a child’s yet how manly he looks! He be 5’6″ and fat. But the kind of fat you’d kill for. His skin, damn, so soft, so tight. You can kiss him for hours constantly not getting tired even a little bit. Craving to kiss more and more. His hairs: small and soft..”

“Oh stop it now” Fiza interrupted. “You could simply show me his photo. The way you’re describing him, my mind is going imaginative and dirty. Do you want me to masturbate imagining your boyfriend?” 

They both laughed. 

“I just.. I just hadn’t talked about him in ages and today it felt good. So good and so proud to describe the man I love. The man I have. The man who chose to love me back.” Ayat was smiling.

“I never imagined you with a boyfriend and never ever imagined in my wildest dreams that you’d be so madly in love with anyone other than celebrities and those fictional characters in your books. I am.happy for you.” Fiza hugged Ayat when she said this.

“Honey, please go do it alone if you’re turned on. I  am straight.” Ayat teased.

“Oh fuck off!” And they both fell into laughing again. 

“I can write a whole chapter describing his face.” 

How Love Should be Treated

Love. It’s a word of four letters and four thousands definitions. Love is easily misunderstood by everyone. Let me explain how the “love” should be treated. 

Love is not about who is perfect for us and who is going to be with us till the end. It’s so much more than that. 

Love doesn’t care if that person will be in our life or not. He does not have to resident in our heart. Love gives pain, dilemmas and other negative emotions. But in love you should know how to fight them just to make “love” look more beautiful. Same as we protect our books from worms and dust. In love you should know how to let go and trying your best to continue life with a smile on the face. Love is not about clinging. It’s about respecting. More yourself than the other person. That’s when you know you have learned love. 

To love you must live first.

Love is that flower that is irresistibly beautiful but you can’t pluck it, for its thorns will make your fingers bleed. So you just leave it there, where it actually belongs. It might make you sad but does that mean you will regret for not having it in your hands? Will you stop living and let it break you? Will you stand there, by that plant, until that flower eventually dries and falls? 

Don’t we all love fireflies? But letting them flutter around freely is better than keeping them in a jar.

Set your love free. Let it fly and shine more.

Love is the most gifted thing you can ever feel. It’s just our stubbornness that makes us obsessed with the need of its presence. 

So, don’t try to fit somewhere you can never fit in. And you don’t have to cut your edges into the shape of the puzzle. 

Love with a board heart. Love should make your life shine like the stars in the sky. Don’t make it the black cloud over your sun.

Interview [I] – Photographer

​So, today I got the chance to interview someone who is a photographer and is quite close to me- Rajesh Singh 

 When I say photographer we imagine a character with a camera clicking photos all the time and trying to make a living out of it. Well, this one is a very different one. 

Here’s a sneak peek into the interesting parts of the interview.  

His reply to “Tell me something about yourself” was – “I am Rajesh! I am a Photographer by profession, which is obvious. And I am a lazy person.” 

  Quite an unique and interesting introduction!

It tickled my mind as according to me a photographer, who has a lot of interesting photos on his Instagram, has to be active. 

The weather was so beautiful. There were cotton candies made of clouds up there, and the water was mirroring it perfectly. The sky was wearing so many colours. But what made that more interesting was this particular person I was interviewing. 

As many Indian people face, his family is against his passion for photography, all the same. He is from a background of science and commerce. That shows what an explorer he be.

 “My mind changes really soon. I want to try everything. I am not trying to make a living out of photography. I am into so many things. Right now my big possession is Videography.” He said. 

Me- “Can you recall that exact moment where you realized you should be doing photography? “

He- “Yes I do. I clicked a photo of my car with my Nokia phone and it was great. That place and that phone were shitty but that photo turned out to be so good. I had a lot of appreciations. And I thought I could be a good photographer. I dropped my phone, I brought a camera. And I took suggestion from you.”

Me- “Yeah! I know!”

I gave him a situation that if he gets a big project but he’s to quit his girlfriend, friends and family, would he go for it? And he, very confidently, said a yes. Later he explained how he knows how to get out of somewhere and get back to things he loves. This shows his practical side. 

Me – “What are your other hobbies apart from photography?”  

He- “I like singing, sometimes. Sleeping, sometimes.” 

Me- “You sing really well. And you sleep all the time. Not sometimes.” 

Me- “Which photographer influenced you the most?”

He- “Dibya! My friend, my guru. He’s taught me a lot of thing. He taught me how to capture milky way. He is awesome!”

This photographer believes that one should prioritize himself first. In our conversation he mentioned how many people misunderstand him because he cannot explain himself but now it doesn’t bother him. He seems to know what he’s doing and he definitely loves his work. 

A person with confidence, confusions and a high ambition. 

He is a photographer with a lot of practical philosophies.

How I Handle Negative Vibes

​Many people asked me how do I manage to be annoyingly cheerful all the time when some of them get totally consumed by the negativity easily.

A friend requested me to write my mantra.

 Here’s what I have to say-

First of all, there are tons of negativity filled within me. I used to get upset very easily. Over thinking was like my regular cup of tea. It continued for a fair number of days. And ruined me in the most beautiful way possible. Those traits are still hidden somewhere inside me. But I chose to fight them away. 

When I come across something that upsets me I simply ignore that. I cut negative, upsetting people off and I keep myself really occupied in work and fun. I really enjoy my life to the fullest. I dig deep to see the positiveness in every aspect of life. I do get sad sometimes, many times, but I ignore the fact that I am sad and I call a friend and hang out with him or her. If no one is free, I sleep or read a book or simply write down my feelings in a journal, or cook. I avoid songs and movies at that time.

I am not a social butterfly, even though I look like a big one. I am awkward around people yet I choose not be locked in my room all the time. 

When I am having an issue, a really bad issue with a person, I either try to sort it out calmly or I take a break from that person, seek advises from people and come up with a solution. That really helps. Talking is the best thing one can do to prevent himself from taking stupid decisions. Because when we are in a situation, we cannot think straight. Even if we feel like we do. 

I don’t cling to things that are slipping away from my hands. That ends disastrously. I let them go. And don’t wait for them. 

Trust me, I got a very precious thing back in my life by letting go. 

I don’t argue over small things. That messes things up. 

I try to be as practical as my mind can be at emotional situations. I prioritize my own happiness and peace of my mind the most. 

I either trust or walk away. 

I believe in being strong, busy and happy. 

‘Cause you live everyday, you only die one. 

There’s always a ray of light, even on the darkest night.